No Longer Allowed
by Kerra-Chan
Summary: 1. My titles is the United States of America or America and I should not introduce myself to others world leaders as "The United States of Motherfucking America! God fucking bless me!" America compiles a list of things he's done before and is longer allowed to do. Rated T because potty mouths.
1. The List

So I compiled a list of things America has done before and has hence been banned from doing ever again.

I'll be writing short stories of each thing. Probably 5 or 10 in each chapter.

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1\. My Title is the United States of America or just America, and I should not introduce myself to others world leaders as "The United States of Motherfucking America! God fucking bless me!"

2\. During meetings, when Germany yells STOP! it is not an invitation to yell "Hammer Time!" and start dancing.

3\. Asking England if his eyebrows give off WiFi signal will only infuriate him so I shouldn't do that.

4\. I will not argue with Prussia on who's 'awesomer' in the middle of a meeting.

5\. I will not initiate a 'German Sparkle Party' in the meeting room when Germany is speaking.

6\. I will not ask Ukraine if her boobs are real, I also can't ask to cope a feel just to make sure either. Russia doesn't approve.

7\. A Captain America costume is not acceptable to wear at any given time.

\- Except on Halloween, sometimes not even then.

8\. I will not sing 'If you Were Gay,' in reference to the Italy Brothers, Germany, and Spain.

9\. "Gay or European" also isn't acceptable.

10\. 300 jokes are not to be said around Greece.

11\. I will not ask India for a few Rupees so I can save Princess Zelda.

12\. I can not yell "Swine Flu!" and proceed to let pigs with cardboard wings lose in the meeting room. - Or the White House

13\. As a safety precaution, it is ill advised to tell Hungary to go and "Make me a damn sandwich."

14\. I will not tell Italy that "Germany wants to put his wurst inside him." It will only confuse him and make him ask Germany and though Germany's reaction is hilarious, him finding out I told Italy is not.

15\. I am not allowed to attempt parkour at Italy's home dressed as Ezio and attack either Italy brothers, yelling "The Borgia must die." It'll only end badly for me.

16\. I cannot sell the White House online, along with everyone working there.

17\. "I'm drunk" is a bad answer to any question.

18\. I should not tell Sealand to threaten suicide with mentos and soda. Finland still hasn't taking me off the naughty list for that.

19\. No, Canada is not a ninja, I'm just very bad at remembering he's there.

20\. Do not convince France that England really does love him and is only denying it.

\- Don't tell him he would like surprise sex either.

21\. Sending Russia a subscription to gay porn is not allowed.

22\. Bringing up beastility in front of Germany is not smart.

23\. I will not say "Is this shit flammable?" While holding a lighter, just to empty the room.

24\. I must not attempt to communicate using only Lady Gaga lyrics.

25\. I cannot sing Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball" while holding a sledgehammer and bust down the door to England's bathroom while he's in there.

\- or anywhere for that matter.

26\. I will stop asking Japan to say "election" every time I see him.

27\. Same goes for Canada with "about."

28\. I cannot and will not insult Doctor Who in front of England by asking "Is this the Power Rangers!?"

29\. I will not ask Germany about Italy's sleeping habits. He will only sigh and sit down with his head in his hands.

30\. I will not tell Switzerland that "Lichtenstein has a hot body" unless I want to be shot. Even if I thought I was trying to be nice.

31\. I will not threaten to bomb Russia for flirting with Canada.

\- Or Prussia

\- Or Netherlands

32\. I will not ask Switzerland for yummy chocolate.

33\. I will stop begging Japan for tickets to a Vocaloid concert.

\- He hates when me and Matt do that.

34\. I am not the Emperor of anything. So I shouldn't hit the others with a fake golden staff.

35\. I will not take Russia's pipe, call it 'The Rod of Correction' and threaten to beat England with it.

\- Or Prussia

\- Or France

36\. Ireland is most defiantly not after "me frosted Lucky Charms."

37\. I will not bring up Canada's hockey team loses if I know what's good for me.

38\. Attempting to ride Kumajirou will end badly for me. Especially trying to put a muzzle on him as Canada walks in.

39\. No matter how funny it is to see Russia freaked out, I will not make kissy faces at Belarus during meetings, even if she giggles.

40\. I am to never use the salute of Germany's past and yell "Hail Hitler!" It brings up bad memories for everyone.

41\. Likewise I am not to yell "Nazi zombie" and whack Prussia.

42\. I cannot claim that cowboys beat ninjas, pirates, and mafia bosses. No matter how true it is, unless we want the meeting room turned into a war zone between me, Japan, England, and the Italian twins.

43\. I can no longer ask Canada, Holland(Netherlands) or Denmark, to bring in their 'special' brownies.

44\. I am not allowed to give Belarus a marriage registration form with Russia's name forged onto it.

45\. I cannot use my speech times in the meetings to crack jokes or make bad puns, even if I can get the others to laugh.

46\. I am not allowed to tell France it's 'No Pants-day" right before a meeting.

47\. Trying to steal Gilbird from Prussia is a horrible idea.

48\. Pulling N. or S. Italy's curls are a no-no.

\- likewise with Canada

49\. I am not allowed to tell England that magic isn't real.

50\. Convincing France that when Russia says "Become one with me" is a sexual innuendo is not a good idea. Even if it is hilarious at first.

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So whatcha think? Are they worth making into short one-shots? Reviews will be much appreciated!


	2. Of Intros and Sparkle Parties

So this will be the first 5 things America isn't allowed to do. Please excuse any andall grammar errors and mistakes. Enjoy~

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**1\. My Title is the United States of America or just America, and I should not introduce myself to others world leaders as "The United States of Motherfucking America! God fucking bless me!" **

"Good evening Prime Minister." America's boss said courteously, shaking the other mans hand and nodding towards the personification of Canada.

"Hello Mr. President, may I ask as to where 'America' is?" He asked looking for aforementioned country.

"Hey! Dudes! It's the United States of Motherfucking America in the house! God fucking bless me!" America yelled busting down the door with a microphone in his hand, his voice ringing loud and clear in the small room. He smiled, his usual trademark grin on his face.

The President shook his head, hanging it in shame while The Prime Minister stood shell-shocked at the loud introduction. Canada only sighed and smiled slightly, having known his brother would do something like this. Bringing up his head and glaring at Alfred, The President grabbed him by the ear. "Excuse me for a second Prime Minister." Ignoring America's exclaims of pain he began to drag him out of the room and closed the door behind him.

The slam of the door brought the Minister out of the shock and he winced as he hard a crash one from behind the door.

"How many times have I told you to introduce yourself properly! This is the sixteenth time you've done this! Need I remind you Russia's boss almost shot you last time because he though you where a freaking burglar!?" You could hear the President yell and a whine followed by a loud whack.

"But booossss! Where's the fun in stiff intros? PLUS! I wouldn't have died either way. AND! Canadians are to soft and mellow to do anything. So what does it matter if it was disrespectful?" America said and yelped once again as a fist came down on his head.

"What was that Al?" Canada asked an innocent yet evil look on his face.

America blanched "Uh...nothing bro.."

"Thought so, now lets begin this meeting, eh?" Canada asked, sweetly smiling when America nodded shakily and re-entered the room.

**2\. During meetings, when Germany yells STOP! it is not an invitation to yell "Hammer Time!" and start dancing. **

"WOULD YOU ALL JUST SIT DOWN AND QUIT ACTING LIKE A COUPLE OF CHILDREN! WE ARE COUNTRIES AND THEREFORE SHOULD ACT AS SUCH! YOU IDIOTS" Germany yelled slamming his hands on the table. "NOW STOP!"

"HAMMER TIME!" America jumped onto the aforementioned table and began dancing. The song soon coming on and Prussia joined in the dance along with S. Korea.

"Aw, yeah~ Motherfuckers~"

**3\. Asking England if his eyebrows give off WiFi signal will only infuriate him so I shouldn't do that. **

America groaned in annoyance and glared at his phone, growling a bit.

"What is it Alfred?" England asked looking over at the frustrated country.

"Why isn't your freaking WiFi working!" He yelled out.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah! Your WiFi! You know? Don't you're eyebrows give it off?" America looked at England questioningly.

Arthur blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Puzzlement slowly turning into anger as America's words slowly sunk in. "MY EYEBROWS DO NOT GIVE OFF BLOODY WIFI YOU GIT!" England yelled throwing things at America as he ran out the room.

Alfred laughed and dodged the objects thrown at him and stopped his running when he reached Francis. "Owe me 10 bucks." He grinned triumphantly.

France only grinned and forked over the cash. "A deals fair."

"AMERICA! FROG!" England yelled in the distance running towards the pair.

France looked at America "Run?" He asked.

"Run." America agreed, nodding and bolting off, France next to him with England hot on their heels.

"GET BACK HERE YOU BLOODY GITS!"

**4\. I will not argue with Prussia on who's 'awesomer' in the middle of a meeting. **

"So I was thinking since the trade is going we-"

"I'M AWESOMER!" Prussia yelled cutting off China's sentence. The meeting room fell silent as they stared at the ex-nation his eyes glaring holes into the self-proclaimed hero.

"BULL! Since I'm the hero that automatically makes me awesomer than you!" America exclaimed giving a thumbs up.

"Whateva! Everyone knows that I am ze awesome Prussia!" He yelled standing up and leaning over the unfortunate Canada that was situated between the fighting duo.

"Bruder! We are in the middle of a meeting! Sit down and shut up!" Germany yelled, glaring at his brother.

"Nein! He's insulting me West! No one can be as awesome as me. Right Birdie!" Prussia said wrapping an arm around Canada's shoulders and pulling him close.

"Oh...um..." Canada shifted nervously in his seat trying to curl into himself.

"Hey! Don't bring my brother into this! Besides he knows in way awesomer than you!" America grabbed Canada's right arm and yanked, causing Canada to be pulled out of Prussia's hold and into America's.

"Um, gu-" Canada squeaked as he was lifted away from the pair.

"Don't worry Matvey. I got you, da."Russia smiled down at the Canadian as Russia walked back to his seat, sitting Matthew down on his lap.

"Hey! Let go of my Birdie/brother you damn bastard/commie!" America and Prussia yelled in unison both standing up and glaring daggers at Russia, there previous argument forgotten.

"I'm good." "Why you!" America made to jump over the table at Russia but stopped as a hand jerked him backwards, making him fall.

Prussia smirked down at him but yelped loudly when America's hand shot out and yanked his leg from under him. His face connecting with the table in a loud thud. Several other nations wincing as the sound rang through the room.

"Bruder ar-"

"Hahaha! Serves you right, albino bitch!" Alfred cut off Ludwig, laughing as he got up not noticing the recovering ex-nation. His victory cut short as a body connected with his sending them both down to the floor.

"What now fatass?" Gilbert grinned, pinning down the other.

"Ame-" England tried to call out.

"Oh no you did not just call me that you red-eyed bastard." Alfred glared. "It is on, beyotch." This the fighting continued, Canada, and their previous argument forgotten.

**5\. I will not initiate a 'German Sparkle Party' in the meeting room when Germany is speaking. **

"Now, does anyone have anymore questions?" Germany asked looking over the group of gathered nations. Seeing no hands being raised, except for a few giddy looks he chose to ignore, he began to speak again. "Alright since no qu-"

"Yo dude wait! I got something you'd like!" America yelled jumping up onto the table. The lights dimming as a disco ball appeared and an upbeat song starting to play.

Germany groaned as the familiar tune started playing.

_"I like German Sparkle Party _

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party _

_I like German Sparkle Party _

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party _

_Very German Sparkle Party_

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party" _

America began to dance, Prussia joining soon afterwords along with S. Korea. All of them singing along to the song playing through the speakers.

Germany's eye twitched as Italy joined soon after, the Italian throwing around glitter and shiny confetti.

_"German German Sparkle Party _

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party _

_Do you like to Party Party? _

_Yes I like to Party Party _

_Do you like to Dancy Dance? _

_Yes I wore my party Pants." _

Germany let his head fall into the table after a few minutes, the meeting room having turned into a rave party. Some of the more adventurous nations missing shirts or in Frances case both shirts and pants.

S. Korea initiating a dance battle between, him, America, Prussia, Denmark and Netherlands. Sweden soon joining in after failing to disregard Denmark's taunting. Each of them having various free styling techniques.

Canada, England, Russia, Romano and Spain partaking in drinking contest. Each of them past their 18th shot or so. All of them obviously drunk by the way they laughed at anything and everything.

_"I like German Sparkle Party _

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party _

_Very Hard core German Sparkle Party _

_Sparkle Party Sparkle Party" _

Germany walked out of the room all hope and respect for his fellow nations gone. Maybe he should head home and have a couple of drinks...or a lot.

Yeah, a lot sounds good.

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So what do you guys think? Again please do excuse any and all typos and grammar errors. Review please!


	3. Of Questionable Gays and Europeans

Alright! This is the second chapter! I have fun doing this so I'm glad that you all like this :D

I'm really sorry I haven't update in forever. :( Anyways please excuse any and all grammar errors or spelling mistakes.

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**6\. I will not ask Ukraine if her boobs are real, I also can't ask to cope a feel just to make sure either. Russia doesn't approve. **

"Hey Ukraine! Hold up!" America yelled running up to the girl.

Ukraine turned around quizzically "Yes America?"

"Sssssooooo, I was talking to France earlier and you came up so I wanted to ask you a question about a certain topic." America said.

"Okay, ask away."

"Are your breasts actually real? They look way to big to be anything but fake, no offense." He asked

Moments of silence followed the question. America waiting for and answer and Ukraine trying to process the absurd question given to her.

Ukraine's face heated up slightly as she struggled to answer.

"Ah...th-they are very real Америка..." She finally said

"You sure? Can I check?" America grinned innocently and before she could answer he made for a grab but was swiftly stopped as a hand wrapped tightly around his wrist.

"Comrade America should keep his hands to himself, da? Sometimes bad things happen if you don't" Russia stated, tightening his hold on America's wrist. A hard glare, promising weeks of pain, contradicting his playful tone of voice.

America gulped, blanching at the barely concealed threat. "Uh...y-yeah!" Wrenching his hand free, America hightailed it away from the imposing nation. Leaving behind a smiling nation and a confused red-faced one.

**7\. A Captain America costume is not acceptable to wear at any given time.**

**\- Except on Halloween, sometimes not** **even then. **

"You'd think the wanker would be on time to his own meetings." England stated, cross his arms and huffing.

"Typical America to be late to even his own planned meetings." France sighed.

England crossed his arms and muttered angrily. "I'll give him something to be late about next time."

"That doesn't make se-"

"I don't care!" England yelled, glaring at the Chinese man.

China glared back and made to speak again but was halted as a body crashed in through the window. The countries closest to the window covered their faces as glass flew, them being England, France and China.

Italy flung himself into Germany's lap as the room was plunged into darkness. "Germany! Save me!"

Germany awkwardly patted the trembling nation's back and turned his gaze towards the figure blanketed in the sudden spotlight. The nations gathered immediately groaned as they saw who the cause of the broken window was. Someone was going to have to pay for that and it wasn't going to be them this time.

"I am Captain America! And I'm!" Alfred paused dramatically and threw off the cape he was wearing to show a uniform in red, white and blue. "The HERO!" America yelled, flashing his trademark grin and thumbs up. The American flag behind him as well as the national anthem playing from Jesus knew where.

"I'm leaving." England growled and walked out the door. France and the other nations following behind.

"Guys? Come on! I worked really hard on this!" America yelled running after them. "Come on! I even got the replica of the shield and everything...damn it guys...I paid a lot of money for this..."

**8\. I will not sing 'If you Were Gay,' in reference to the Italy Brothers, Germany, and Spain.**

America grinned as he stalked the group of four nations. His eyes zeroing in on the taller blonde. "Yo Germany dude!" Alfred ran up to the man.

"Huh? America? What is it?" Germany turned around the others with him as well.

"Hello America!" N. Italy greeted. Waving, smiling as always.

"Tch, hamburger bastardo." Romano scowled.

Spain smiled at the American. "Hola America!"

"Hey guys." America quickly greeted before turning back to Germany. "So I just wanted to tell you something."

"What is it?" Germany repeated his previous question, not liking the grin that slid onto the others face.

Alfred cleared his throat before starting. "If you were gay! That'd be okay, I mean 'cause hey! I'd like you anyway."

Germany groaned and introduced his palm to his face. Romano began to laugh, Spain's usual smile growing a bit wider at the sound.

America kept on. "Because you see if it were me, I would feel free to say. That I was gay... but I'm not gay." He punctuated the last three words by poking Germany.

Ludwig seethed silently, face flushed as he glared at the American.

America laughed nervously, sensing the murderous aura coming from the German man. His eyes landed on his next prey.

Romano continued to laugh until he felt the Americans stare on him. "What?"

America grinned wider." If you were queer."

Romano's smile quickly turned into a scowl. "Oh, god.."

"I would still be here year after year, because you're dear to me. And I know that you! Would accept me too!"

Romano scoffed. "Like hell I would"

"If I told you today! Hey guess what I'm gay! But I'm not gay." America belted out.

Feliciano suddenly interjected. "But aren't you actually gay, America?" His innocent comment stopping Alfred's from singing the next line.

America sputtered for a few moments, face going red. "I..I don't have to answer that!" He yelled before clearing his voice and thinking of a better song.

**9\. "Gay or European" also isn't acceptable.**

"There! Right There! Look at that tan, well tinted skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh Please he's gay, totally gay." America pointed at Spain suddenly, scaring him.

Romano joined in, knowing the song and seeing as a good chance to tease Spain. "I'm not about to celebrate every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say, not gay." He shook his head, playing along.

Both sang the chorus. "That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically medically gay?"

"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks. Look at his silk translucent socks." America sang, pointing at the Spaniard.

"There's the eternal paradox

Look, what we're seeing."

"What are we seeing?" Italy asked tilting his head as Germany face-palmed.

"Is he gay?" America asked.

"Of course, he's gay!" Romano exclaimed.

"Or European!?" America yelled matter-of-factly, before continuing to sing with Romano, Italy joining soon after.

Spain stood there awkwardly, wondering why in the world this was happening to him of all people.

**10\. 300 jokes are not to be said around Greece. **

"Hey China! How many Spartans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" America giggled, grinning from ear to ear. "300~" He burst out laughing.

His laughter causing a certain Greek to awaken from his nap.

America continued with his jokes, the impending danger as the usually laid back Greek became irate unnoticed.

"In Greece, how do you separate the men from the boys?" Alfred paused. "With a crowbar!" He laughed once more oblivious to how China and a few others backed away.

"What? Not funny?" He asked before looking behind him where Arthur pointed. His eyes falling on a Greek

Greece looking quite dangerous with a giant sharp cross in his hands.

"I'll run now. Bye!" Alfred dashed off.

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Please review and tell me what you think! All are welcome! :D


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